sueeeus

1. Maybe it’s because of the weather.
2. Maybe it’s because the holidays are approaching.
3. Maybe it’s because of life changes.
4. Maybe it’s because of shifting hormones.
5. Maybe it’s because of the commute.
6. Maybe it’s because of the job.
7. Maybe it’s because of politics.
8. Maybe it’s because of other people’s children.
9. Maybe it’s because of my children.
10. Maybe it’s because of school.
11. Maybe it’s because of the economy.
12. Maybe it’s because of the struggles my friends are going through.
13. Maybe it’s because of the struggles that I am going through.
14. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older.
15. Maybe it’s because October 27th came and went and I’m missing my brother.
16. Maybe it’s because I see my brother in my nephew.
17. Maybe it’s because I wonder how my nephew is, without his dad.
18. Maybe it’s because I’m missing my family.
19. Maybe it’s because my kids have been sick.
20. Maybe it’s because I’m sick now.
21. Maybe it’s because I didn’t offer work to any of the people waiting outside Home Depot, hoping for some work.
22. Maybe it’s because I said I wouldn’t help the guy standing outside the grocery store who asked me for food.
23. Maybe it’s because he walked away while I scrounged through my groceries for things I could give him.
24. Maybe it’s because I didn’t follow him and give them to him because I was late to pick up my kids.
25. Maybe it’s because I wonder why a healthy looking young adult is standing outside a store asking for food.
26. Maybe it’s because I wonder about the young couple who are working the intersection near my office.
27. Maybe it’s because I wonder why they have decent clothes and a different outfit every day.
28. Maybe it’s because I feel guilty for being judgmental.
29. Maybe it’s because there was a dead mouse in the toilet.
30. Maybe it’s because there were mouse droppings in the house.
31. Maybe it’s because I heard some scraping sounds near a heater vent.
32. Maybe it’s because it’s dark when I go to work.
33. Maybe it’s because it’s dark when I get home.
34. Maybe it’s because I miss my mom.
35. Maybe it’s because I miss my sisters.
36. Maybe it’s because I miss our family get-togethers.
37. Maybe it’s because so many of my nephews and nieces are already grown.
38. Maybe it’s because some of my nephews and nieces have kids of their own whom I’ve never met.
39. Maybe it’s because so many of my friends are retiring.
40. Maybe it’s because my kids melt down frequently.
41. Maybe it’s because of the struggles I see other parents  have with their kids.
42. Maybe it’s because I’m weary.
43. Maybe it’s because of the daily homework struggle.
44. Maybe it’s because of the challenge of managing childhood defiance.
45. Maybe it’s because I’m healing.
46. Maybe it’s because of technology overload.
47. Maybe it’s because of sensory overload.
48. Maybe it’s because the house is never clean for longer than 3 minutes.
49. Maybe it’s because the laundry never ends.
50. Maybe it’s just because I’m me, living the normal life that I live, and pretty much everyone is going through something similar.

shades of blue

Poppy held to her decision and severed all ties with George.  One day, when she’s had sufficient time to heal, she may mourn him properly, but at this stage, she just doesn’t have the mental or emotional capacity.  Steve arrived abruptly, with George’s sudden departure.  It’s all been quite a shock, really.  Poppy and Steve have been getting to know one another, as cohabitants do.  I wouldn’t call it a romance, by any stretch of any imagination.  It’s more like an arrangement. Of necessity.  Oh sure, she did jump into forever with him.  And she really does want to have a long and comfortable relationship with him.  Happily ever after, in fact.   Right now, however, it’s either sink or swim, and sinking is hardly an option.

In one sense, Poppy’s been very stable.  Oh, occasionally something will happen and she will have a momentary lapse of sanity in which she behaves erratically, but those moments are few and generally last no more than an hour. In general, she’s been feeling very good.

That being said, life with Steve has been a cautious, tip-toeing dance, for the first few weeks.  Steve seems to be a sensitive sort, and has his own idiosyncrasies.  For instance, he does not like to be rushed.  How can I say that, in such a way as to express it properly?  He.  Does.  NOT.  Like.  To.  Be.  Rushed.  And he’s a bit of a moody, broody sort.  So he likes to handle certain things on his own terms, and as long as one complies with his terms, there is harmony in the land.  Okay, so be it.  This is part of learning to live together.  Everyone’s got their own personal boundaries that need to be respected.  Steve, bless  his soul, is very clear about expressing his boundaries.  Poppy could stand to take a page from that book.

As the weeks progress, Poppy has also begun to notice that there may be some areas in which Steve and George are very similar.  She’s choosing not to overreact to this knowledge, but to take heed and reflect on it.  The last thing she wants is to encourage any of these tendencies.  So she’s keeping a close watch on this Steve character.  Watching him like a hawk, even.

~*~*~*~

Installment 2 of the Poppy Saga.

Characters:
Poppy the pancreas.
George who likes to gorge.
Steve the sleeve.

~*~*~*~

It’s been just about 4 weeks since surgery, and I’m doing very well.  The first 2 weeks are liquids only, and the next two weeks are soft foods.  It’s a bit challenging, learning to eat anew.  It’s probably similar to what babies go through, as they are learning to eat.  Things like the size of  each bite and how much it must be chewed before swallowing are critically important.  The steri-strips have finally worn off the incision sites, and the scars remaining are slight.  I’ve had a bit of a struggle with waves of depression, off and on.  I also notice that I tire easily, and I’ve been respecting this by allowing myself to rest when I need it.

I will say this much.  I loathe (ab.so.lute.ly loaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaathe) protein powder.  When I’ve finished the tub that I have, I will never buy another.  Ever.  EVER.

That being said, it’s such a relief, not to be hungry!  It’s also a tremendous delight to look at a small portion of food and know that it can and will be filling and fulfilling (although obtaining sufficient nutritional intake is definitely a challenge).  All in all, it’s a very exciting journey.  I feel liberated, and I am looking forward to finding and restoring bits and pieces of myself that have been lost through the years, as I progress through this excavation.

I hope to do a better job than all the king’s horses and all the king’s men did with Humpty Dumpty.