August 22nd, 2010 | 3 Comments »

the good

My boys are home.  Safe and sound in their room.  Nighty night, boys.  I love you.

the usual crap

I wait around for Gadget to call and let me know what time he’ll be ready with the kids.  No call, so I decided to go to Target and pick up the school supplies on BB’s kindergarten list.  My BB is going to kindergarten!  I can hardly fathom it!  I figured I’d be a few miles down the road in the general direction I need to be.  So Gadget calls around 8 pm and asks where I am, why am I not at the park and ride.  When I get there, he has the nerve to get on my case for not packing enough clothes for the boys, and for not packing baby wipes for LB.  Last time he complained that I didn’t provide enough diapers.  Am I way off here, or isn’t it remotely the least bit feasible and reasonable that their dad should be at least a tiny bit compelled to keep a few diapers and baby wipes and a spare change of clothes on hand for his own kids?  And he dares to criticize me for this?  The man who balks and rages that I’ve gone to the state to ensure that he pays one hundred and fifty stinking dollars a month to support his two sons?  Have I mentioned (I’m sure I have) that that contribution constitutes a whopping 2.5 days of daycare a month.  It makes me utterly sick to my stomach that he dare make jabs about the expense of anything, while concurrently insinuating that I’m lacking as a parent.

Or maybe I read too much into things.  The man knows how to push my buttons.

The suppressing of those emotions, so that my kids don’t hear it in my voice or see it in my face, nearly made me wretch during the ride home.

on a side note

The new kids were in the car, waiting, so I got to meet the four of them.  They are beautiful.  The baby is so squeezable, I just wanted to hold her and cuddle her.  What can I say.  I love kids.  There are three girls and one boy, all under 7.  Their dad shaved their heads because they had lice.  The girls were devastated, as they would be, but they are very beautiful, even with almost no hair.  Beautiful.  One girl asked me “Why did you break up?”  It’s so heart wrenching, how they try to work things out, these little ones.  My BB said he wished we didn’t break up and he wants to live with Daddy, but he wants to live with me and Nicole and all the kids.  Oy.  Explain how that’s not the way things work to a five year old.

LB has a scab with a bruise on his forehead that wasn’t there yesterday when I dropped him off.  Gadget insists it was.  I spiked his hair before he left.  I know it wasn’t there.  Today he’s got scrapes all over his elbow and hand.  Of course he falls.  He’s a toddler.  But please, keep an eye on him, and tell me what happened so I know how he got hurt.

I’m glad Gadget met Nicole and has a family life to live.  I hope they all work out.  I hope they raise those children well.  I just wish he’d be more of a man and a father where his own children are concerned.

thanks, I feel better now

Whatever would I do if I couldn’t throw my thoughts out on my blog?  I’d either implode or explode.  Either way, it wouldn’t be pretty.

Posted in bellyaching, divorce
February 20th, 2008 | 3 Comments »

Although the better part of me tries to avoid making stereotypical comments, assumptions, or generalizations, there are times when the other part of me surfaces. I’ll try not to be defamatory, but I’m just so frustrated.

Mr. Gadget’s son graduates from high school this year. I’m taking an alone trip (to Australia!) so he gets to take an alone trip to attend the graduation ceremony. Fair! (There’s a way in my mind that I can completely justify this as being fair, but I won’t go into the convoluted logic. It is fair! Fair!) After graduation, MG is going to bring his son and daughter back to stay with us for the summer. (Good LORD, I may need to get my hands on some Valium*!)

Mr. Gadget’s ex is not particularly good at planning and coordinating things, such as making sure that any doctor appointments that the children need are scheduled around, not during the time when they will be here. We didn’t even get to see them last year due to badly and inconsiderately scheduled appointments. This year, I started prodding MG very early so that he would coordinate with and prod the ex into getting appointments and dates lined up and squared away. Finally, we were able to agree on some dates.

Time is of the essence, because air fares climb steadily as summer approaches. Not that summer is approaching, but the fares have been climbing. Originally there was a targeted date for graduation, and then we learned it had been changed. We waited for the school to sort things out and solidify their dates. Finally, between the wishy washy school powers that be who set graduation dates and the wishy washy ex, we had the window figured out. So we hop on the internet to book tickets. One round trip from here to there for MG, two round trips from there to here for the kids. In the time it took MG to book the tickets, the prices for each rose $100. Needless to say, I was a bit miffed at him. (Mr. Independent had to do it himself, whereas moi, Ms. Lightning Fast at Internet Shopping, sat patiently by, giving him his space. I wouldn’t have been that miffed at him for taking 4 hours to get it done, but the fact that the delay caused the total trip price to rise over $200 was reason for a little bit of ire.)

A week goes by, and we receive an email from the travel company notifying us that they’ve changed one of the flights. So now the children would be flying back on a different airplane. MG was all over the customer service rep in a heartbeat, and got his flight changed to match his children’s flight. That is, after about two hours of explaining, more than once, that he’s a divorced dad going to see his kids and bring them back for a summer visit, and he’d like for them all to fly together, thank you very much, and yes, his trip is from here to there and their trip is from there to here. Yes, his return trip must match their departure trip. Exhausting.

So, not twenty minutes after he gets the new itineraries printed and copies sent to the kids, the phone rings. It’s the ex. Graduation has been changed to a week later.

I don’t know if he called the principal yet and raised holy hell, but what are they thinking? They had already solidified a date. Students have ordered their graduation invitations. Geographically distant family members have made travel plans.

Of course we buy the cheapest air fares we can find, which means they’re non-refundable, and there’s a hefty surcharge to make any changes. So frustrating!

These people, this school, is in Kentucky. Not the most economically advantaged place on the planet. When I was preparing for my own graduation, those fancy invitations were no small expense for my family to accommodate. It must be similarly challenging, financially, for those students and their families now.

All because of poor planning. (Okay, so I’m a control freak. Planning is an essential part of my universe.) Even so, this seems fit to stretch the limits of even normal non-control-freak people. Doesn’t it?

*I now understand why my grandmother needed Valium when we came to visit.

Posted in family