June 20th, 2010 | 1 Comment »

Gadget took the kids this weekend, and I have a thousand and one things I could have done, but I was at a loss without them.  Instead, I filled my days with errands and odds and ends.  I drove all the way to this fancy shopping center on the East side so that I could find a specific hand lotion that was on clearance at Anthropologie.  Success!  I actually found it.  But in the process, had a mild panic attack or two.  Something about being amidst all that over the top consumerism.  Although, the waterfall of clear butterflies suspended three stories for viewing pleasure while riding the escalator was delightful.

butterflies

butterflies

I hid out at Starbucks for a while and tried to catch my breath.  The coffee was underwhelming, but people watching is always interesting.  A group of chefs sat next to me and had a meeting about what they were going to prepare that evening.  Artists at work.  It was a fun eavesdrop.  But I still couldn’t catch my breath, so I walked, and walked, and walked.  I found a Greek sandwich shop and had a gyro, which helped a little.  And I stumbled upon a farmer’s market, where I treated myself to a bouquet of fresh flowers for only $5.

fresh from the market

fresh from the market

They’re so happy and colorful.  I just might try to find a farmer’s market closer to home, so that I can brighten my sphere with fresh flowers more often.  Once home, I tried to find some enthusiasm for anything on my to-do list, but again, couldn’t focus and couldn’t breathe.  So I went for another walk.

It was a parade of slugs.  They were out in force.  I’ve never seen so many slugs in my life, and considering where I live, I’ve seen a lot of slugs in my life.  Did you know that slugs eat s#!t?  It’s true.  They do.  I’m not sure what they’re eating in this particular photo, but they were intent.

slugfest

slugfest

I spent alot of time on Facebook replaying videos of LB saying ‘Sponge Bob’ and ‘Mmmmmm’, over and over and over again.  I missed my kids.

The good thing about this kind of anxiety is that I have little interest in food and I have to keep moving so that I can try to breathe.  So I’m getting some air and exercise.  In my past life, I would escape to food and television.  I’m still trying to figure out what’s tripping me up, other than just delayed processing of all the emotional trauma from the past years.  Or something.

My sister is encouraging me to keep up with my fish oil and vitamin D.  I’ve been forgetting to take my handful of supplements for a few weeks, so who knows, maybe there’s something to that.

Posted in mental health