sueeeus

Today my beautiful niece turns 12. She is an amazing person, brimming with wisdom, poise, charm, kindness, intelligence, and all things good.

Not long ago, she shared something with our family that stirred us all to our innermost cores. I don’t think that she will mind that I share it here.

Hi. I lately have been really stressed; a lot has been going on. I’ve felt pain for my dad that I haven’t felt in 2 years. It has been 2 years and 7 months and I wanted to just come on and say how much we love him and miss him. I feel like since he was so connected to our message board and his computer, by writing a quick few words he will get them wherever he is, and he will experience all of the family coming together through something so simple but so vital to all of us. So here goes: “Daddy, I have missed you for almost 3 years now. There isn’t a day I don’t think about you. I am not saying that in sadness but in joy that you blessed me with enough time to create memories with you. I have decided a new path for remembering you. Instead of being sad that you left, I’m going to be happy that you were here for however amount of time you were. Although some of the memories I have with you are not necessarily great, they are still with you. I love you. I miss you. And I am sooo sorry for forgetting the promise I made you. But believe me I will get it taken care of. I know you are better. I can finally feel it. I feel like the chains keeping me down, in worry for you have been released. Finally, I know this is what you wanted. Every day our family is getting stronger, closer, and I’m happy to say that I’m not mad, disappointed, or sad anymore. You freed me. My family and my friends have just continued to help cure me. Although no one will ever replace or refill the empty space in my heart for you, there is no need to worry; I have my uncles, cousins, aunts, mom, sisters, and even brother (lol). I’m OK. Thank you. I know I couldn’t have done anything to save you now. I think I’ve felt guilty all this time. Like I had the most responsibility for you and I failed. But now I feel like there was nothing I could do, I will always remember everything. The moment when we went to T– mountain, your life changing smile, and how much you loved family. No matter what, you enjoyed visits from everyone. That is the biggest memory I have. And I’ll never let go. Your ashes will be spread in Italy, I will keep my promise. Also, I won’t forget about the Caribbean. You always said you just wanted to run away there, so I will put some of you there too. I will keep every promise I made you (except the whole Olympic thing). Well, now I have to go but I wanted to share this little conversation with everyone in the family.” I decided to write that because I want to talk about him more, I want to have an intriguing conversation on the great memories everyone had with him before I was born. I feel like talking about him more and remembering him more will make him seem more alive, more, I don’t know, just more. So I thought I would say that. Oh, and I did something I have been afraid to do: I read the message board from October 27th and behind. I read all this stuff I was too afraid to know, it definitely helped. I recommend looking back at the board to years and years ago; our family has grown and although there were some hardships, we are still as close if not closer. I thank you guys for being so helpful with pulling me out of the place where I was hiding. I am forever grateful, and so is Daddy.

And from my sister:

That’s right, Princess!
Thank you for so thoughtfully honoring your dad,
and for sharing those thoughts with the family.
In this, you have instinctively brought him to life
in our minds, in the most loving way.
To understand his love for us is yet alive,
is to understand a very empowering secret:

We are his heaven.

We can live there, inside his best giggle
and most loving intentions for his family,
and watch in wonder as all his dreams
are coming true.
The best of Six of Nine is still
very much alive.
Thank you for showing us, Princess.

And from my other sister:

Princess, when you write or speak it’s as if you’re a channel through which God speaks to us. You are a true angel and such a tremendous gift to this family. We all love you more than we could ever say. Together we’ll all remember all that was beautiful in your Dad’s life. I’m so glad you realize there is/was NOTHING you could have done to change anything, but what you CAN do is live well and be happy. Your soul has so much wisdom that must come from somewhere in the spirit realm, a place that is timeless. When you decided to be happy and thankful for the time you had, rather than be sad for time you missed, you discovered a very important truth to living a great life. Always remember that and be thankful for all the blessings that you do have. When I was feeling down at your age your Grandma used to always say, “why don’t you go count your blessings?” and it’s true. One blessing I’ll be sure to count is having you as my niece, and you’ve added a great deal of happiness to my life. I love you darling.

And they all say it better than I, but this girl of ours, she is most precious indeed, and we love her dearly, so very dearly.

Happy Birthday, Princess.