For the second day in a row, I’ve awakened at 3:30 a.m., and haven’t been able to return to the land of slumber. Sigh. There is a piper, and he must be paid. But not right now.
The Black Friday ads are tantalizing, almost to the point of hyperventilation. Should I go stand in line amidst the mob of other hopeful shoppers and try to score some early bird specials I don’t need anything. But there are 1000 thread count sheet sets out there for $79.99. One. THOUSAND. Thread. Count. !!! Yes, I hyperventilate over linens. No, I probably won’t buy them. They’re sateen, and Mr. Gadget has already expressed his dislike of slippery sheets. (The luscious 500 thread count dark chocolate brown sheets I treated myself to a few months ago are sateen –and GORGEOUS! –alas, not to MG’s liking.)
I could just go and wander, to see if I encounter any hot deals that would make appropriate holiday gifts for MG’s family. I used to shop for my family, but sort of stopped in the last few years. It occurred to me that I’ve spent a lifetime trying to hold my family together, and making sure they all had gifts was one of my feeble attempts. Only, it’s just stuff. They don’t need stuff. I don’t need stuff. I’m so tired of stuff. We’re all grown up now. It’s no longer us as a unit trying to survive, to get through childhood and early life. We’re there. We’re on our own. We’re making our way. Whatever ways they may be, they are our own. We don’t have gift-giving obligations. Who wants it if it’s an obligation anyway Obligation completely ruins the spirit of giving. So. I don’t send things out to my family. And they don’t send things to me.
Most importantly, I have my own family now, and I can turn my focus to making life magical for the child(ren) I’m raising. That is where my joy is now. This is where my strength goes now. I don’t want them (speaking with the assumption that Little One, the size of a pea inside me, will survive and fluorish and join us soon) to grow up in survival mode, us against them, like I did. I want to give them a beautiful life.
