I’ve been working on an inventory of words that describe aspects of my relationships, in order to help identify things. Needs. Boundaries. Expectations. That sort of thing. It started with a list of all the words that I could think of that could describe what I didn’t like about a particular relationship or even situation. While thinking of those, it brought to mind thoughts of what drew me into those particular relationships or situations, and a new list emerged. And as I was thinking of all of these things, a new set of words emerged. Words to describe what was missing.
The Bads and Uglies, in no particular order
unaffectionate, aloof, emotionally unavailable, arrogant, insecure, uncommunicative, irresponsible, undisciplined, exploitative, inexpressive, indecisive, sexist, incompetent, foolish, unintelligent, narrow-minded, critical, narcissist, pseudo-intellectual, fraud, liar, cheater, secretive, lazy, uncheerful, snarly, stubborn, brash, selfish, self-centered, impulsive, overbearing, self-absorbed, callous, insensitive, desperate, inconsiderate, competitive, judgmental, bigoted, religious, domineering, dis-compassionate, boring, uninteresting, uninspired, reckless, unmotivated, pessimistic, unambitious, cruel, abusive, abrasive, loud, controlling, drunk, dishonest, disorderly, impatient, codependent, contemptuous
The Goods, in no particular order
fun, smart, energetic, confident, enthusiastic, musical, creative, exotic, interesting, cultural, helpful, gourmet, playful, devoted, communicative, expressive, hard-working, strong, capable, sensual
The Missings, in no particular order
connection, competence, intimacy, affection, trust, laughter, joy, honesty, heart, spirit, empathy, kindness, grace, safety, intellect, compassion, openness, mirth, freedom
Something important that I discovered during this exercise is that for every bad and ugly on the list, I can recall instances in life where I have exhibited those attributes, attitudes, or behaviors. I am no saint, and I am human. All of these things help me to understand the importance of boundaries (which will hopefully help me to actually learn how to establish them), and of equal importance, the missing things to hold in focus as I continue to navigate through life.
