the bird
I’ve been sick all week. Trying hard not to let it take hold. I even took all of us to urgent care on Tuesday, to get checked out. We got the all clear, but got one prescription for LB for the pink eye that was making the rounds, just in case. So who gets pink eye? Me. Followed by BB. LB has a runny nose and a cough. BB is a bit stuffed up. And I’m a complete mess. I took a sick day on Friday, which is just as well because BB got kicked out of daycare the minute they noticed his rosy eyes. It’s funny how such a ruckus is made over pink eye. Whatever version we have doesn’t even hurt. It’s nothing compared with the sore throat that has persisted all week. I’ve been drinking lemony tea, gargling with cayenne pepper and vinegar, sucking on menthol throat drops, popping the ibuprofen like it’s going out of style, and even working my way through the remnants of my ancient prescription painkillers. Thank GOD the boys don’t have the sore throat. I wouldn’t know how to help them and it would break my heart to know they had to just suffer through it.
So this is the big wedding weekend for Gadget. His daughter and stepson are here from Kentucky, having arrived on Tuesday. His twin and significant other arrived yesterday from New York. I’m not sure who else is here, but rumor has it that it’s a big wedding, with 200-300 guests. Gadget mentioned something months ago about the boys having a role in the ceremony. I started trying to make some plans a few weeks ago, so that the kids could see that side of their family. It turned out that Friday was a no-school day, so I told Gadget that I could actually bring the kids over on Thursday after work. That way they could spend some time with their siblings. They’ve never even met LB. “We’ll see….” is what I got from Gadget. I tried to solidify plans as the week progressed. He finally said “No, don’t bring the kids over until around 4pm on Saturday.” Why not Thursday, I asked. Gadget said he wouldn’t even be home until 9:30pm Thursday, and his kids wouldn’t babysit. WTH. I wasn’t asking them to BABYSIT. And at 16 and 21, are they not responsible enough to spend a few hours with my boys, their BROTHERS, unaccompanied? WTH? So it comes out that there is some function on Saturday for the over 12 crowd and there is nobody to watch the little kids. He pretty much declares that I should bring them over at 4 on Saturday and pick them up Sunday. I told him I’m not a taxi service. My window of helpfulness was Thursday evening. If he couldn’t work with that, then figure it out his own. I thought I was very clear.
Fast forward to today. Saturday. 3:54pm. He texts me.
Him: Are you bringing the kids?
Me: I’m sick.
Him: That’s ok two can play your silly game. I knew you would pull some crap like this, but whatever.
Me: What game. I’m sick. U can come get them if you want.
Him: Whatever
Me: I’ve been waiting for you to communicate about how u want to handle the boys and haven’t heard a word. What do u expect?
Him: At least I didn’t make up something. To be at least civil and not make up a lie not to do something. I wanted to bring the kids here to spend time but everything didn’t work out that way but I have talked to you and you wanted nothing to do with anything so there you go. You got all mad. You’re just pissed.
Me: U told me when u wanted them here. I told u what worked for me-Thurs. I told u to figure out a plan. Did u? And I DON’T LIE.
Him: If I have to pick them up then they won’t be back until u pick them up on Wed. When I say I don’t have fuel I’m not making it up.
WTH. He didn’t even TRY to figure out an alternate plan. He thinks it’s appropriate that I drop everything, drive an hour each way, and drop the boys off at the time he edicted. His family members live North of me. He lives South of me. He could coordinate with someone to pick up the boys on their way. He’s asked my dear friend’s husband to photograph the wedding. He could ask them to bring the boys. He had several options he could have explored, yet he did nothing.
So, here I am, sicker than hell, can barely swallow or breathe, and I just break into sobs. Right in front of BB. So then I have to tell BB that I’m crying because his dad thinks I’m lying about being sick. Not to mention, my beautiful angel of a boy has been excited and looking forward to seeing his relatives. And I had to tell him, no, you can’t go see them Thursday. Or Friday. And it doesn’t look like he’s coming to get you now.
Still sobbing, I check the clock and call my friend. Luckily, they’ve not left yet, so they come over and get the boys. Solution.
The man is incompetent. And an ass. Check out the reflection. It’s ludicrous that I would make up a story and lie. That he could even conceive such a notion speaks volumes as to how deeply he knows the essence of ME.
Un-flipping-believable. I am *this* close to incorporating the f-bomb into my vocabulary. I was recently able to produce the gesture depicted above, albeit still with a smile, and not directed at the ex. That one was directed at my geeky friend, who I shall call Sailor. I think he’s trying to toughen me up. He shares his drama and I attempt to give him a rational female perspective. I share my drama, and he offers his crude male perspective. Basically, he says I should stand up for myself and take Gadget to the cleaners by going after max child support and daycare contributions.
Thus far, no man I encounter seems to understand my idea of the high road. I don’t get it. They almost unanimously share tales of child support woes. Maybe it just kills them to see that they, being the nice guys they are, get shafted, yet Gadget, being the apparent ass that he is, gets to skate. Gadget, as we all know, thinks he is being shafted.
I’m tired of trying to explain it to anybody. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to make his life miserable. I’m not vindictive. I just want him to step up and be a man. Good Lord. Just. Be. A. Man.
And I hope and pray with all the hope and earnestness that I have in my heart that I can live long enough to raise my children, because if they had to be raised by him, they would have a tough road, without good and honorable examples and guidance. I don’t want them to think it’s okay to lie. Or to be selfish. Or self-serving. Or materialistic. Or lazy.
So I guess I better step up my game, as far as taking better care of myself goes. I have young lives to help shape.
