January 4th, 2010

It is done.

I am officially single.

Not sure how I feel.  I don’t think it’s completely sunk in yet.

I’ve asked BB about his visits with his dad.  What is Daddy’s room like?  Where does Daddy sleep?  According to BB, it appears that his daddy is living with another woman, as in, not just sharing a house.  According to his dad, he is sharing the house with a family consisting of a husband, a wife, and a 5 year old boy.  BB says that the boy’s daddy doesn’t live there and he has a different place.  Oh, I just don’t know.  And do I care?  Not so much, really.  I just wish I could get a straight and honest answer.  And if it is true that he found someone to shack up with already, he could have at least had the courtesy to wait until we were actually divorced.  Which we are, now.

However.  Today I learned that Gadget never did go to the court-required parenting seminar.  I scheduled it for him originally, then rescheduled when he didn’t go, then forwarded him the information to show him the importance of completing a court-requirement (as in possible fines, contempt of court, blah blah blah), to which he rescheduled, then didn’t go, then rescheduled again, and then, apparently, blew off.  At least the court still let the divorce be finalized.  It’s his problem, if there are any repercussions.

The other thing that bothers me is that he suggested the kids spend the night next weekend.  I will have to say a resounding NO.  The parenting plan calls for every other Saturday, with no sleep overs.  And he’s supposed to provide his address and contact information at all times, yet, he won’t give me his address.  I’ll not allow the kids to stay over night when I don’t even know where they are, and where they will be sleeping.  What if there were an emergency?  If he wanted a different plan, he had a chance to work it out with me, but he didn’t.  And so far, it seems that he doesn’t make sure they’re properly fed, when he does have them, or that they’re properly napped.  I might let them stay the night, eventually, but I need to see where they will be staying, first, and I need to be confident that he will be vigilant with them and attentive to their needs.  His track record, per my own observation, is less than inspiring.  It’s the main reason for the parenting plan as it stands.

Besides that, I need to know that his guns are safely locked away.  And how can I ever be sure of that?  Good Lord, there is a pistol upstairs at this very instant, which I am not at all happy with, but I don’t want to touch it.  It’s high atop a shelf, out of sight, and I only found it because I was on tip toes and feeling over the lip of the shelf top, looking for a remote control.  I’m confident that BB won’t be climbing those shelves and will never discover it, and I will insist that it be removed as soon as Gadget sets foot here again.  I accidentally found a gun in one of his desk cubbies before that, and was LIVID.  If I could stumble upon something, so could BB.   One time, before BB was born (I think, I hope), I sat down in Gadget’s chair and a gun tumbled out.  I was HORRIFIED.  And put my foot down immediately that ALL guns be locked up.  I didn’t want ANY in the house at all.  Oh, gosh, I’m getting all worked up now, but suffice it to say that clearly he didn’t respect my wishes, since I’ve discovered loose guns not once, but twice in recent history.  That man cannot seem to grasp the meaning of RISK, in life situations.  He just says “it didn’t happen” and somehow extends that to equate to “‘it never will”.  This goes for his behavior behind the wheel, too.

So.  I will tell him that the kids can’t go visit him until he gives me his address, and they absolutely can’t stay the night until I know that his home is safe.  And how will I ever be able to know that?

I should have stopped at ‘It is done’.  Now I’m fraught.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 4th, 2010 at 10:46 PM and is filed under chapters of my life, divorce. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “finis”

Aunty Evil Says:

Geeze! Is it really that quick to get a divorce there? It hardly gives a couple a chance to work things out does it…not suggesting that you would if you could, but it all just moves too quickly!

As for the guns, I would be calling the cops and getting them to come and remove them RIGHT NOW. But we have different gun laws here, and I seriously think that we have it right. Sorry if that offends, but guns in the house…!!

sueeeus Says:

You know, Babelbabe said the same thing about calling the cops. That never even occurred to me.

The divorce schedule is 2 years if it goes to trial, but if it’s an agreed dissolution, it’s a minimum of 3 months (in this county).

mary Says:

Absolutely fast – have to be separated a year before you can divorce here!

All the guns and stuff – shits me – I just feel so much for you ..

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