August 31st, 2011 | Comments Off on lions and tigers and bears, oh my

I had a dream last night in which I was getting away by myself, taking a long, fast-paced walk.  I was in the country or a hilly park, and I was moving quickly.  It might have been early morning or nearing dusk, or it may have just been an overcast day.  I passed a couple of men who were approaching a field, and they may have been on their way to go fishing.  I noticed a bear in the field.   A young grizzly.  I made sure to stay clear of it, and vaguely wondered how the men would fare, as their path was more in direct line with the bear.   I actually thought to call out to them, to warn them, but I thought that might do more harm than good, since it would alarm the bear.  I concluded that they would shortly discover the bear on their own, and would likely steer clear of it as well.  I hoped all would be well for all of them.

I thought it was strange to see a bear in such a place, but not completely unheard of, as I continued forward.  I was much more surprised to come upon three lions, hunkered in the grass.  One was a big male, with the full mane, and the other two were females.  Again, I steered clear, and tried not to catch their attention.  They showed no interest in me.

When I stumbled upon the rhinoceros, I thought to myself, this is a bit much.  I’m not in a zoo, so why on earth would there first be a bear, then lions, and now a rhino in this area???!  The rhino was running away, clambering out of a water hole and up the far bank, in a hurry.  So I wasn’t in any danger.  I suppose it might have been a hippo.  It was large and grey.  It was moving fast, and wanted to get away from me, whatever it was.

I rounded another bend and spied a tiger in the grass.  Only this time, the tiger spied me as well.  We locked gazes.  Oh crap, I thought.  What am I going to do now?  I continued, as nonchalantly as I could, keeping as wide a berth as possible.  I kept my eyes on the tiger, and he kept his eyes on me, but he didn’t pounce and he didn’t charge, but he looked like he could at any moment.  I didn’t have adrenalin coursing through me, and I wasn’t terrified, but I was concerned for my predicament, that could very easily end very badly.

I woke up, distraught, and heard myself narrate the dream out loud.  I don’t know who I thought I was speaking to, but for some reason, I felt like I had to give voice to the dream.

~*~*~*~*~

Now that I’m awake, a song from Les Mis comes to mind (I dreamed a dream).  “And the tigers come at night, with their voices soft as thunder.  As they tear your hope apart and they turn your dreams to shame.”

Interesting, only just now I realize the name of that song is “I dreamed a dream”.  It’s also interesting that neither the bear, the lions, nor the rhinoceros posed any threat.  The tiger was the only one to be wary of.

I shall have to ponder this more.  Perhaps I can map what the animals represent.

Posted in dreams
August 27th, 2011 | Comments Off on three

How can you possibly be three, my beautiful little boy?

my littlest big boy

How can I describe how you fill my life and fill my heart?  You have a vigor that thrills me — the way you are full on, whichever extreme it may be.  When you are happy, joy bursts from you in waves.  When you are angry, frenzy bursts from you in waves.  There is no middle ground.  You are raw emotion and raw energy.  You are unfettered and pure, and how I delight to see you experience either joy or rage, because you do it with such purity.  You are beautiful, my little one.

I love the way you demand that I snuggle with you.  I love the way you giggle and laugh and the way your eyes sparkle with mirth and mischief when you try to play tricks on me.  I love your sense of humor!

Already you have a keen sense of justice, and simply won’t have it if you think your brother is not behaving as he should.

I love the way you express yourself.  I love the way you say please, thank you, and you’re welcome.  And the way you remind me to say ‘Bless You’ when you sneeze.

I love the way you try to do everything that your big brother does.  I love your strong sense of independence.

You are bursting with life, my little man.  Oh, how I love you, with a love I never imagined possible.

Happy Birthday.  A very happy birthday to  you.

Posted in children, family, motherhood
August 11th, 2011 | Comments Off on starring in my own music video

Roy Orbison’s Mystery Girl, long shadow, walking.  Lovely shape of arms and hands swaying, fifteen feet tall.  Long and lovely.

~*~*~

Out for a walk in an effort towards fitness.  Looking for ways to appreciate my physical self.  I find the shadow lovely.  It’s a start.