sueeeus

I took Boo to his daycare this morning and he broke my heart because he started crying the most heart-wrenching cry when he realized I was dropping him off again. I’m working from home today, which is wonderful, but I just can’t get my work done and give him the attention he needs, so off to daycare he goes.

It’s such a beautiful day that I decided to try and set up my laptop outside on the patio, so I could get some of the cool morning air. In the process of unplugging the power cord, I managed to shock myself, which shook me up quite a bit. I realized how easy it is to compromise one’s life. It only takes a twinkling of an eye and life can drastically change. I must be more careful. And I must baby proof my house SOON. All that drama and the traffic was too noisy for me to concentrate, and the cool morning was quickly replaced by stifling heat, so back in the house I went. Now the day is over and I’m off to collect my precious Boo, and I feel anxious that I’m surrounded by things to do that I haven’t done. I must learn to let it slide and not worry about it.

Can’t wait to see my beautiful boy!!

I like the things one can do with graphics software. This is a paintbrush effect. Boo is snuggled against me in a mei tai wrap, also called an Asian Baby Carrier (ABC), which I made using this pattern and some gorgeous blue batik fabric. I love batiks!

I’ve recovered from yesterday’s pity-party-of-one. On a somewhat good note, Buggaboo’s strawberry broke open again this afternoon, but barely bled at all. When I saw the first trickle I jumped for a towel, but it only bled a few drops, and re-clotted on its own. Maybe it will heal swiftly now. Fingers are crossed.

What a day. The strawberry broke. I wasn’t prepared for the sight of so much blood. I knew there would be blood, but how can it not be a shock to look at your baby and see their face completely covered in bright red blood, with more blood streaming steadily, on and on It bled for nearly TWO HOURS. It completely saturated a 16″x16″ microfiber towel. We were on our way to the in-laws for a birthday celebration. I don’t know if he rubbed his eyes or rubbed his face against the seat belt shoulder strap. He was asleep and it happened in the blink of an eye. We went to the emergency room. I was distressed that he was gushing so much blood and didn’t know what to do, since it wouldn’t stop bleeding. It’s not a bit like what you see on shows like ER or Gray’s Anatomy. It took nearly two hours to see a doctor. The triage nurse saw him in the first 20 minutes, took his weight and blood pressure and told me to keep on putting pressure on it, just as I was already doing. He bled on and on. He fell asleep. Still bleeding. At least he held still better when he was sleeping. He didn’t like me holding the towel to his face and kept squirming while he was awake. It stopped bleeding just before the doctor saw him. Diagnosis Bleeding Hemangioma. Yes, I know. Treatment Plan A. If it happens again, apply pressure until the bleeding stops. It will eventually heal on its own. Plan B. Anesthetize and Cauterize – inject a needle that close to my baby’s eye, to numb the area, then burn him and leave a lifetime scar We chose Plan A. During last Monday’s checkup our doctor had told me that it could break open and it would bleed, and it would probably grow back, and eventually it would diminish and disappear on its own. She just didn’t mention how much it would bleed, and what to do if it did. I was expecting something I could put a bandaid on. I did tell Mr. Man that the treatment is to wait it out, that it would eventually heal on its own. He wasn’t too impressed with that solution, but in the ER, hearing the doctor pose Plan A and Plan B, he was amenable to Plan A. Go figure. (But I’m glad that he was no longer adamant about more drastic action such as Plan B.)

We made it to the birthday celebration an hour and a half late. We have another new mom in the family. Her little guy is 2 weeks old and she herself is looking fabulous, as though she’d never even been pregnant. She’s had no trouble at all nursing. I’m so jealous. Really. The little guy knew just what to do. He latches like a pro and drains her efficiently, in 10-15 minutes. TEN MINUTES! I remember our struggle, where Buggaboo would chew me raw for 30-40 minutes at a time, every two hours, and hardly draw anything out. I’d have to pump afterwards, another 15-20 minutes. Clean up the bottles and get them ready for the next round. 5-10 minutes. Then do it all again. Do the math. I spent over 12 hours a day trying to feed my baby. How I longed to be a breast-feeding mother! I tried SO hard, with nipple shields, a tiny feeding tube along side the nipple, or against my finger. There were so many obstacles. The breasts were too big, which made it difficult to position him. The nipples were too big for his sweet little mouth. He couldn’t get a good latch. The milk didn’t come in well and he didn’t have the patience to try to draw it out, and I just didn’t produce enough milk. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so emotionally difficult had I not had my heart set on being a breast-feeding mother. And to see this new mom and her little guy sail so smoothly into it! I’m so happy for them, truly, and surprised at my concurrent feelings of jealousy. In the self-pity confines of my mind, my selfish thoughts are why couldn’t it have been that easy for me

I feel drained.

It is bigger. This distresses me.

The lonely peach. Last year we had so many peaches that the branches broke from the tree. It was very sad. I’m surprised that there are any peaches at all this year.
The apricot tree suffered a similar woe, and there are no apricots this year. There were hundreds and hundreds last year, but not a one this year. The tree has to get its oomph back. We have plums though! Two kinds!
I love bamboo. I have four kinds. I love the sound the leaves make when there’s a little breeze. They rustle so peacefully.


I have a box of lavender. See the bee ! It’s a bedraggled box of lavender, but I love it just the same.

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. –Matt 6:28-29

I love lilies!!

I could have sworn I planted Casablanca’s though. I wonder if soil ph affects lily color in a similar manner as it affects the hydrangea’s color

I found this list while going through some stacks of old papers. Sometimes I get way too caught up in my head and if I take a moment to write things out like this, it helps.

If life could be any way I want it to be, how would I want it to be

• I would want to wake up each morning feeling refreshed after having gotten a good night’s sleep
• I would like to have the time to enjoy a nice cup of something hot and soothing, while sitting in the morning sun, breathing in some fresh morning air
• I would like to take a nice morning walk and enjoy the fresh air
• I would like to begin and end the day with a tidy home
• I would like to earn my living by doing something that nourishes my heart and soul, as well as my mind
• I would like to live in a beautiful and peaceful home
• I would like to have the time and the energy to prepare delicious and healhty meals for my family
• I would like to have a happy and healthy family
• I would like to be a good mother
• I would like to have strong, loving and communicative relationships
• I would like to laugh with mirth
• I would like to make somebody smile
• I would like to be content with who I am and how I look
• I would like to have time to play
• I would like to have what I need
• I would like to have a place to put everything, and be able to find anything that I need
• I would like to feel healthy, energetic, and peaceful
• I would like to have no financial anxiety
• I would like to live in a peaceful place
• I would like to live in a place where the air is clean and fresh
• I would like to make it through the day without becoming angry, frustrated, annoyed, hurt, or anxious
• I would like to make it through the day without causing anybody else anger, frustration, annoyance, hurt, or anxiety
• I would like to begin and end the day with no residual resentment in my heart
• I would like to go to sleep at night knowing that I have lived the day thankfully and have honored the gift of life that I have been blessed with.

I’m new to Blogland and can’t help but follow links from here to there and back again. There are so many people out there in Blogland who share their beauty, be it photographs, musings, poems, crafts, paintings — all manner of creative pursuits. I see lists of what people have been reading, what they’ve been listening to. All these things blow my mind! Not that my mind is that small, but I am in part inspired by this outpouring of creativity that surrounds me, and in part baffled as to how people possibly find the time! (…Not to mention the inspiration and of course the ability…) I’ve made a few paintings here and there through the years, and I’ve taken a few decent photographs. I’ve written one or two poems that I might not be too embarrassed to publish. I’m merely a dabbler. I have no strong bent to any of these wonderful pursuits, yet I have a yearning. Oh to find my art, she muttered wistfully as her thoughts meandered off to other things.

I went to Costco yesterday to place an order for a birthday cake, and left the store with three sets of canisters (they were only $9.97 so how could I pass that up ), some tie downs and a cold heat welder gizmo (these are gifts for a brother-in-law), a huge pasta stock pot with a neat draining sieve lid thingy (gift for a sister-in-law) and a set of cookware pour moi. I stopped to admire a nice looking pan and fell victim to the peddler and her sales schpiel. I’ve been looking for the perfect ‘everything’ pan, as I’m trying to simplify my life and belongings and equip my kitchen with only the essential things that work perfectly for my cooking needs, but there was such a deal on the complete set package that I took the bait. I parted with quite alot of $$ that day, and have just found an interesting article about this cookware. This site, Cooking for Engineers appeals to my analytic side for sure. I think I’ve been had. (I must say that the non-stick demo was very impressive, though.) At least it’s Costco and I can return it if I decide I can’t live with being had, even if I make that decision months, or even a year from now. I still love Costco. I confess.